My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

Today as I start this blog post I have just celebrated 3 of my kid's BDays. My oldest son Kj turned 22, My 2nd son Logan turned 20, and my only daughter Jayedyn turned 18. All on different days of course. I was barely able to join in celebrating with them but made it downstairs to sing and have cake, cheesecake, and more cheesecake. I had the hardest time with last night's celebration for Logan. My left foot has turned in a lot more when I walk and the pain I felt was excruciating. If you could see my pain this is what I imagine it would look like. I barely made it long enough to sing and have a small piece of cheesecake. But at least I did. AmiRight? I transferred all my prescriptions from Walmart to Smith's Because I joined the Kroger®Savings Club to save a lot of money on my meds. Of course, there's a hiccup for me. My Tramadol that is $80.00 at Wal-Mart is no more than $12.00@Smith's A huge difference....

My kids have been counting the days till break this is what I picture them like... It's June already! school's out, it's beautiful sunny HOTTT days and all I can do is sleep. I have been so completely exhausted this last week. TBH. I have slept days straight, except to wake up long enough to eat my dinner. I would say "STRUGGLE" is accurate because   I kept falling asleep in my food. *head bobbing back and forth. I was able to sit at the pool one night and watch my kids swim . Mayson 13- Camden 15- Jayedyn 17- and my adopted son (LoL) Bryan- Camden's friend or the whole family's. who am I kidding.  -As far as Lupus goes - my biggest issue right now is  struggling with my body. (trying to regulate a warm temp.)  I get so cold that I shiver so bad that even warm blankets won't help.  At these times, I think such terrible thoughts. -One  reason is I  feel the pain so intensely and doubled. It's worse than giv...

Living with Lupus is a daily fight for me  it's getting harder and harder for me to push through. I am exhausted both mentally and physically, I am beyond fatigued, and I feel and look like i was run down by a diesel. Most days I will get up and brush my hair just to put it back in a messy bun .  I will wash my face and apply sunscreen /moisturizer and if i am feeling up to it Makeup . But Most of the time I just want to sleep , dream of my life without this disease.  I am mad that this is effecting me so bad and that other people are able to work, play and even have a life . I hate staying at home, But i know i can't do the things like i use to .  I hate everyone who say's they just push on through, Like i am not trying too ?  I hate the judgement and whispers at functions or even the grocery store .   I am not the child that my parents adore, I am not the sister in law you want to hang out with , I am not the friend you want .  I ...

August is almost over.  My Kids have headed back to school and summer is gone.  I am excited for the fall months to be here.  This has to be one of  my favorite season.  So much about Fall that I love. The weather is  perfect most of the time I say this because   living in Utah it's always a guessing game as to what weather we will have . This is a issue I need to render for my Health.  The cold winters kill me and the Hot summers do the same . I need to move somewhere warm But not too hot. I am sad that my kids are in school. I love having them around.  But I am also excited  New Year of friends, fun and new adventures. Now that they are gone it is too quiet! I miss so many things about being a mom of little ones.  I am praying that I can be around to see my kids have children of their own  that this disease doesn't swallow me up and I miss this. It's been a pretty rough summer for me and I haven'...