My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

So the other day someone asked me why I sleep so much? This got my wheels in my brain turning and I thought to myself that is a very good question? Here's what I came up with! I think I sleep so much because I don't want to face my new reality. TBH this is probably the main reason along with depression. But here are a few more thoughts. -Pain-in all aspects. I am non- tolerant even with pain meds and, it's all a bit annoying not knowing when or where it will show it's ugly head. Or sometimes why it never ends. -I'm overweight now because of my medications/ immobility it hurts to move and walk if anything eats up my spoons it's definitely this. I know I need to get up and move, but when I try I struggle so hard, Then of course there's this ugly monster I fight.   Pride- Vanity  I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm just ugly.  I don't have the money needed to buy the clothes I need, get my hair done, or the frickin energy to start with. I j...

  I don’t understand why this life is so hard for me? Why when I get sick my body completely shuts down and my insides make me feel like I’m dying. I have always struggled like this, a common cold knocks me out for days, sometimes weeks.  I am still havocked by pain every second of the day and the only way my body can handle this is by sleeping. if I am so lucky. Did I do something so horrible that God is punishing me? Do I still believe in God?  I am failing at being a warrior, a fighter, a mother, and a wife  I feel like my family deserves so much better.  Why is the pain for me so unbelievably hard? why can’t I force my body to do what it needs to feel better? I have tried so hard to get out of bed and move, to be more present in life, to just try. I have willed myself that I can do it, only to be bedridden hours later. My body is a mess inside and out and it’s breaking me down even further.  My heart breaking and I so want to be able to handle it all bu...

I found this from April25th 2019 and somehow it never posted so I thought I would just add it here because I know that a lot of you are struggling this way also. You are not alone at all. I am starting to realize that sometimes even the sweetest kind of person can belittle you and hurt you with their words.  I recently had a day where I was told "Try to Keep Up" on the day I was struggling to walk, and in the most pain due to lack of pain medication s. It cut me to my core.  I would like to think that I am a good person and kind to everyone I meet. But recently it's been pointed out that people feel like I make whatever is being talked about and turn it back to ME. I don't feel like the world is about me by far, I try to make everything about other people and leave me out of it all.  I am not the kind of person that I want to have the spotlight on myself, it makes me uncomfortable because I want to do things right. I know it's crazy being a "Leo" it...

Again the month has slipped right through my fingers and its fall.  Am I Going Crazy? Don’t get me wrong. I love Fall but it's been a cold one so far..   Anywho as always I am behind on Ipsy Reviews  bare with me as my post are thrown together. The bag for the month is bright orange and nothing special. The theme for the month was-          Confidence Level:         Selfie with no filter   Let’s start with what I got in my bag  1 st - Is a Full-size blush From the brand PIXI BY PETRA In the shade Beach Rose which is a soft, rosy shade This is blendable and buildable so you can have it apply any way you want it to. It contains Vitamin E so it does a great job keeping your skin soft, smooth and hydrated. On my skin it was like a soft pop of color it stayed on all day I was very impressed. 2 nd - Is a sample size Serum from the brand TonyMoly. It’s T...

I can hear outside my windows, yelling, laughing, splashing in the pool,  all the kids enjoying the fact there's No School. I see Pictures everywhere on social media, new suntans, beach hair, sandals, tanks, & shorts, Pictures of  Fun Vacations, Not a single Care in the world.  Everyone Soaking up as much sun as they can before Summer is finished. Mayson asked me why I don't go out? why I don't want to watch them swimming? What does summer mean to me? this got me thinking.  What does summer mean to me? The first things to pop out of my mouth were   long sleeves, long pants, sunblock to the 100's, Huge hats, sometimes gloves. Sweatshirts and sweaters.  It's long flares that last for days because I  went outside, for a quick errand without taking the things I need   causing my body aching pain everywhere, Imagine being hit by a bus, That's Me .  I have only one choice but to stay in be...