My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

So the other day someone asked me why I sleep so much? This got my wheels in my brain turning and I thought to myself that is a very good question? Here's what I came up with! I think I sleep so much because I don't want to face my new reality. TBH this is probably the main reason along with depression. But here are a few more thoughts. -Pain-in all aspects. I am non- tolerant even with pain meds and, it's all a bit annoying not knowing when or where it will show it's ugly head. Or sometimes why it never ends. -I'm overweight now because of my medications/ immobility it hurts to move and walk if anything eats up my spoons it's definitely this. I know I need to get up and move, but when I try I struggle so hard, Then of course there's this ugly monster I fight.   Pride- Vanity  I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm just ugly.  I don't have the money needed to buy the clothes I need, get my hair done, or the frickin energy to start with. I j...

  I don’t understand why this life is so hard for me? Why when I get sick my body completely shuts down and my insides make me feel like I’m dying. I have always struggled like this, a common cold knocks me out for days, sometimes weeks.  I am still havocked by pain every second of the day and the only way my body can handle this is by sleeping. if I am so lucky. Did I do something so horrible that God is punishing me? Do I still believe in God?  I am failing at being a warrior, a fighter, a mother, and a wife  I feel like my family deserves so much better.  Why is the pain for me so unbelievably hard? why can’t I force my body to do what it needs to feel better? I have tried so hard to get out of bed and move, to be more present in life, to just try. I have willed myself that I can do it, only to be bedridden hours later. My body is a mess inside and out and it’s breaking me down even further.  My heart breaking and I so want to be able to handle it all bu...

I found this from April25th 2019 and somehow it never posted so I thought I would just add it here because I know that a lot of you are struggling this way also. You are not alone at all. I am starting to realize that sometimes even the sweetest kind of person can belittle you and hurt you with their words.  I recently had a day where I was told "Try to Keep Up" on the day I was struggling to walk, and in the most pain due to lack of pain medication s. It cut me to my core.  I would like to think that I am a good person and kind to everyone I meet. But recently it's been pointed out that people feel like I make whatever is being talked about and turn it back to ME. I don't feel like the world is about me by far, I try to make everything about other people and leave me out of it all.  I am not the kind of person that I want to have the spotlight on myself, it makes me uncomfortable because I want to do things right. I know it's crazy being a "Leo" it...

 I was so excited to receive another Smiley 360 box to try and review for ya'll What was inside surprised me? It was a 2 pack of shaving razors from the brand   * BIC    (i thought they only made pencils and pens and writing stuff.) But I was willing to give it a try. *To get the legal jargon out of the way -  I received this product for free to test and review all opinions are mine and completely honest as to how the product worked for me. *Let's get into the product -  I usually have a hard time finding a good quality razor. So to say I was hesitant is an understatement.  on my 1st impression, I saw a bright beautiful razor. The  handle was a gorgeous bright yellow and the grip felt good.  I was impressed with the  5 flexible razors that looked like they would adjust somehow?  This is what sold me the fact that there's NO Shaving Cream needed, it has its own m...