My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

I can hear outside my windows, yelling, laughing, splashing in the pool,  all the kids enjoying the fact there's No School. I see Pictures everywhere on social media, new suntans, beach hair, sandals, tanks, & shorts, Pictures of  Fun Vacations, Not a single Care in the world.  Everyone Soaking up as much sun as they can before Summer is finished. Mayson asked me why I don't go out? why I don't want to watch them swimming? What does summer mean to me? this got me thinking.  What does summer mean to me? The first things to pop out of my mouth were   long sleeves, long pants, sunblock to the 100's, Huge hats, sometimes gloves. Sweatshirts and sweaters.  It's long flares that last for days because I  went outside, for a quick errand without taking the things I need   causing my body aching pain everywhere, Imagine being hit by a bus, That's Me .  I have only one choice but to stay in be...

Having a disease like lupus is the most stressful thing in the world!  It's funny, How you aren't supposed to stress about this crap and all you do is stress. Why?  You stress that you are not good enough to work? You stress when you have to take a day off from work.  You stress that you are gonna cause a Financial burden on your family? Because now you can't work.  You worry about if your spouse even finds you sexy anymore? You stress about your hair thinning, your eyebrows and lashes falling out, and the rashes that come along with it all.  You worry about if you are still pretty. At least I do. . You worry about your looks and the weight gain that has come on from bedrest, immobility and medications. You stress that you are getting worse ?  You worry and Stress about every new symptom?  You worry about your family?  You  wonder why they  don't  include you in the day to day activities/ decisions?  It's...

I was so excited when I saw this amazing vanity Mirror .  It has so many bells and whistles and they actually all work . *The mirror is beautiful and the perfect size  (Dimensions- mirror surface Approx. 9L x 12.25 inches, mirror body aprox. 8.75L x7.5W 17H) *It's a 360 swivel & tilt mirror which makes it perfect in any angle .  *It has  Ultra bright daylight LED, energy saving & long lasting light. *A front touch sensor switch. Tap it ON & hold it down to adjust the brightness. *The best option IMO. Wireless Bluetooth audio (yes, You can stream your music all while getting dressed. *A front facing Mic lets you answer your phone calls hands-free .. *This is all powered by a rechargeable 4000mAh battery that includes a micro-USB cable. *You can also use the USB to charge your phone & other Devices . *It's Cordless which makes it portable, it comes apart very easily & great for travel. *The mirror is easy to clean with...

Lupus has left me unable to walk, sit for to long, work, care for my family and be myself.  So many people say that "Lupus doesn't have them".  I wonder what it is that has me then ?  Depression, Fear, Self Loathing, Loss of Faith and NO Positivity. Are all things I fear have & slowly make the chasm in my heart bigger.  This disease sucks the positivity right out of me and I try so hard to hold it in and be positive and strong. I am just so angry sometimes..   The hardest part of this disease is watching my husband who has sacrificed so much to become a single parent of 5 kids. By this I mean he handles everything . It kills me to watch the stress eat him alive.  Today at the grocery store I was unable to stand up and collapsed right in the middle of the store. The look on his face was enough to break my heart in 2. I know I am getting worse ,when you wake up feeling worthless and useless can't move it all sucks. Positivity is key so...

August is almost over.  My Kids have headed back to school and summer is gone.  I am excited for the fall months to be here.  This has to be one of  my favorite season.  So much about Fall that I love. The weather is  perfect most of the time I say this because   living in Utah it's always a guessing game as to what weather we will have . This is a issue I need to render for my Health.  The cold winters kill me and the Hot summers do the same . I need to move somewhere warm But not too hot. I am sad that my kids are in school. I love having them around.  But I am also excited  New Year of friends, fun and new adventures. Now that they are gone it is too quiet! I miss so many things about being a mom of little ones.  I am praying that I can be around to see my kids have children of their own  that this disease doesn't swallow me up and I miss this. It's been a pretty rough summer for me and I haven'...

This friend is not a nice and happy post. This is all about this horrible ugly life ruining disease called LUPUS. I am beyond exhausted and beyond fatigued. I can't walk without crying or crumbling in agonizing pain and my life is shattering right in front of my eyes. I could just end the pain I feel and quit. Everything in this life, just give up and sleep, not eat who does much of that anyways Right? Wither and wilt away.  But I just can’t. My family is my life. My husband is my world and I just can't give up.   But tbh today, tonight of all days where I can't hold up my own head, keep my eyes open, or manage pain to be slightly comfortable. What is the point? Hell writing this post is taking everything out of me.  But this needs to be said so I am pushing through.  My boys are frustrating me more than normal every lil thing they do is irritating me.  I know it's because of these steroids I take right now. Right now I am unable to ...