My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

So the other day someone asked me why I sleep so much? This got my wheels in my brain turning and I thought to myself that is a very good question? Here's what I came up with! I think I sleep so much because I don't want to face my new reality. TBH this is probably the main reason along with depression. But here are a few more thoughts. -Pain-in all aspects. I am non- tolerant even with pain meds and, it's all a bit annoying not knowing when or where it will show it's ugly head. Or sometimes why it never ends. -I'm overweight now because of my medications/ immobility it hurts to move and walk if anything eats up my spoons it's definitely this. I know I need to get up and move, but when I try I struggle so hard, Then of course there's this ugly monster I fight.   Pride- Vanity  I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm just ugly.  I don't have the money needed to buy the clothes I need, get my hair done, or the frickin energy to start with. I j...

  I don’t understand why this life is so hard for me? Why when I get sick my body completely shuts down and my insides make me feel like I’m dying. I have always struggled like this, a common cold knocks me out for days, sometimes weeks.  I am still havocked by pain every second of the day and the only way my body can handle this is by sleeping. if I am so lucky. Did I do something so horrible that God is punishing me? Do I still believe in God?  I am failing at being a warrior, a fighter, a mother, and a wife  I feel like my family deserves so much better.  Why is the pain for me so unbelievably hard? why can’t I force my body to do what it needs to feel better? I have tried so hard to get out of bed and move, to be more present in life, to just try. I have willed myself that I can do it, only to be bedridden hours later. My body is a mess inside and out and it’s breaking me down even further.  My heart breaking and I so want to be able to handle it all bu...

Today as I start this blog post I have just celebrated 3 of my kid's BDays. My oldest son Kj turned 22, My 2nd son Logan turned 20, and my only daughter Jayedyn turned 18. All on different days of course. I was barely able to join in celebrating with them but made it downstairs to sing and have cake, cheesecake, and more cheesecake. I had the hardest time with last night's celebration for Logan. My left foot has turned in a lot more when I walk and the pain I felt was excruciating. If you could see my pain this is what I imagine it would look like. I barely made it long enough to sing and have a small piece of cheesecake. But at least I did. AmiRight? I transferred all my prescriptions from Walmart to Smith's Because I joined the Kroger®Savings Club to save a lot of money on my meds. Of course, there's a hiccup for me. My Tramadol that is $80.00 at Wal-Mart is no more than $12.00@Smith's A huge difference....