My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

  I don’t understand why this life is so hard for me? Why when I get sick my body completely shuts down and my insides make me feel like I’m dying. I have always struggled like this, a common cold knocks me out for days, sometimes weeks.  I am still havocked by pain every second of the day and the only way my body can handle this is by sleeping. if I am so lucky. Did I do something so horrible that God is punishing me? Do I still believe in God?  I am failing at being a warrior, a fighter, a mother, and a wife  I feel like my family deserves so much better.  Why is the pain for me so unbelievably hard? why can’t I force my body to do what it needs to feel better? I have tried so hard to get out of bed and move, to be more present in life, to just try. I have willed myself that I can do it, only to be bedridden hours later. My body is a mess inside and out and it’s breaking me down even further.  My heart breaking and I so want to be able to handle it all but it’s not working out that w