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Lupus Thoughts and Ramblings



Today as I start this blog post I have just celebrated 3 of my kid's BDays.
My oldest son Kj turned 22, My 2nd son Logan turned 20, and my only daughter Jayedyn turned 18. All on different days of course.

I was barely able to join in celebrating with them but made it downstairs to sing and have cake,

cheesecake,

and more cheesecake.

I had the hardest time with last night's celebration for Logan.
My left foot has turned in a lot more when I walk and the pain I felt was excruciating.
If you could see my pain this is what I imagine it would look like.

I barely made it long enough to sing and have a small piece of cheesecake.
But at least I did. AmiRight?

I transferred all my prescriptions from Walmart to Smith's
Because I joined the Kroger®Savings Club to save a lot of money on my meds.
Of course, there's a hiccup for me.
My Tramadol that is $80.00 at Wal-Mart is no more than $12.00@Smith's
A huge difference.

* I know that's enough for my whole family

Anyway, Wal-Mart won't release my Tramadol
so I had to call my Dr. to have a new prescription sent over
and as of now we still don't have it.
I was able to get approved for Medicaid,
But it's not covering all my meds, only 4 a month.
I take 10 in total.
I'm praying that later today it will be received so I can get my pain meds.
That's why I'm up at 4:13 a.m.

I feel bad that I didn't celebrate Easter it was all about Logan.

But I did want to say that I'm thankful for the blessings of the Atonement.
I'm Thankful that I will see my family in the afterlife,
that we can truly be a family forever,
and those children that have passed on will be reunited with us in heaven
just makes me smile.
I am Lds but, struggle with the message on certain topics received.
I don't agree with a lot of judging people on love, gender, etc.
But I love how Family is always the biggest part of it all.

My family is struggling with feeling like the world is always against them.  
I can understand because I have felt that as well.

This disease called Lupus has broken me down physically and a bit mentally.
I can't walk without struggling and pain, so I stay in bed.
when I try it's hit or miss on how I feel.

I'm unable to work even part-time, so we struggle with money issues.
My husband was laid off and has been looking for a new job for months with no luck as of yet.
He was the main provider for the family and our savings is low.
It's like we get it up there to be stable,
And something happens and we rely on it,
and we are back to nothing.

*PSA*
if anyone in the Utah area is looking for an amazing
“Honest” HR Director, manager
with a Master's degree and a ton of experience on Health benefits, Accounting, etc.
let me know.
For that matter at this point anywhere in the state.

 I feel like this is all my fault partially.
To go from working, being active, and outgoing,
to being immobile, or be active because of muscles and joint pain,
plus weight pain makes my depression worse.
 I am positive, I try every day,
but sometimes it's too much and I have to rest.
I don't understand how my Lupus is so much harder for me?
All I need now is for God to step in and carry these burdens or at least help me.  
I need my husband to receive a job offer,
my meds to be in my hands, and my kids to know that they are loved
and that this struggle will be lifted.
Plus how to deal with the hiccups and trials in life with positivity.
( I don't think I'm a good role model.)

My latest visit with my Rheumatologist wasn't good
We talked about how I'm needing a walker
to help me move around.
Which made my heart sink.
I'm only 43 yrs old and this is my reality.
He re-did my handicap paperwork

Now I just need to be able to go down to the DMV and get my placard.
I know this will be helpful and needed,
but I just don't want to believe this is my life.
So maybe that's why I am putting it off?? I know this is partially true…
I'm trying so hard to be positive

I'm blessed with an amazing husband, kids,
and my “Cocka Da Spaniel Girl” Daizie.
Every time I say anything about my dog

Lady and the tramp pops into my mind.
The scene where they share spaghetti. And the owner saying that. LoL
Another one of my Favorite Disney Movies
Image result for Lady and the tramp spaghetti

Well, I think that's enough for this post.
I'm starting to feel a bit tired again.

 Thank you for taking the time to read.
Share your thoughts and prayers with me.

I would love to know how you handle it all.
As Always Stay Strong And Keep
              Fightin,
               XOXO Misty
           BbloggerfightinLupus




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