Skip to main content

Lupus thoughts and Ramblings




I found this from April25th 2019 and somehow it never posted so I thought I would just add it here because I know that a lot of you are struggling this way also. You are not alone at all.


I am starting to realize that sometimes even the sweetest kind of person can belittle you and hurt you with their words. 

I recently had a day where I was told "Try to Keep Up" on the day I was struggling to walk, and in the most pain due to lack of pain medications. It cut me to my core. 


I would like to think that I am a good person and kind to everyone I meet. But recently it's been pointed out that people feel like I make whatever is being talked about and turn it back to ME.

I don't feel like the world is about me by far, I try to make everything about other people and leave me out of it all. 

I am not the kind of person that I want to have the spotlight on myself, it makes me uncomfortable because I want to do things right.

I know it's crazy being a "Leo" it's the direct opposite. 

I only feel like I'm trying to understand and if I feel like something is in common with me and what is happening, I will throw it out there.

I have been told I play the Victim a lot, but that's not true at all.

I can't handle the pain I'm in on a daily basis, the changes I am constantly thrown into suddenly, how I go from fine to crying uncontrollably in a bawl on the floor. 

How feeling amazing to suddenly feeling like I have the flu, nausea and throwing up, stupid high fevers and achy bones and joints that stop me in my tracks. 

I don't handle change very well now and I crave stability. Once I get used to my surroundings, symptoms, and this disease it flips it all around and I Hate it. 


Does this all make me a "Victim" do I play it all up for attention? Do I enjoy being stuck in my bedroom for months on end? Not being able to control my body? Walk for myself? Drive? workout? Cook dinner, and take care of my family? Absolutely fracking not….

I hate depending on others when I can do it myself.. I hate having other people take care of me. I hate being drove around and I hate being sick. 


Some would say I'm not doing what I need to, but I have, and even tried physical therapy in a pool but I kept getting sick.

I try walking but can only last for a few minutes. I try to stay out of my bedroom but can only be downstairs for a bit.

Anyway, I just know I would never say anything about anybody and their illness.

I would never belittle them. It's just not okay. 


As frustrated as I am about my life I still appreciate the people that do help me, and love me.

I also know that people have bad days and may say things they don't mean. We are all human and make mistakes. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. Ya Know. 


Enough of that, Just be nice you never know what someone is going through.  Is what I try to follow.

Thanks for being here with me and taking the time to read. 

As Always Stay Strong And Keep Fightin! 

                          XoXo,

                       -Misty
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lupus thoughts and Ramblings June 25th

Hey there.  I hope you are staying safe and sane in this crazy world.  It's a lot to stomach for anyone. I can't go crazy.  I already am!        Serious question? When do you tell your family that their joking around has become hurtful?  It's to the point where I feel like I am in high school again, trying to compete for their love and attention. I am 45 yrs old and feel like I am treated like a child at times. I am told that I am too sensitive and that I take things out of context, that I should just take it, and know they are playing.  Every night it's a roast the hell outta mom till she cries or locks herself in the bathroom so no one would see.  it's not like anyone would care to be honest.  I could cry for hours and no one would even flinch.  When did I become invisible, and so small that it doesn't matter if I am even around?  I am ignored when I am trying to be a mother, I am ignored when I try to let people know ho...
Post a Comment
Read more

Let's talk showers

  Let's talk showers  No, not the kind that falls from the sky when it rains. No, not meteors, but regular showers people take to keep clean. A regular person is in the shower up to 5-10 mins maybe 15 at the most. Well for someone with Lupus, MS and Fibromyalgia it's so much longer. For instance, it took me almost an hour to shower the other day. Why is this you ask? Well, I can barely stand on my own, and do things like lift my hands to shampoo my hair without being so exhausted I have to sit down.  So it begins, the clock ticking away. *10 mins gone * sitting down. Once I finally can I stand back up and commence the ritual of the shower  but wait, after *10 more mins* I need to take a breath before I pass out (literally) it takes sitting down and breathing slowly to make it not feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest.  I look at my handy dandy Fossil smartwatch and it says my BPM is 140 which I believe.  I try to slow down my breathing, a...
Post a Comment
Read more

ESSENCE MAKEUP REVIEW

Makeup can be high end and really expensive or drugstore and very budget friendly.  Just because a drugstore brand is budget friendly doesn't mean it is bad quality. Right? Recently while perusing my local Ulta store with Jayedyn                      (on the hunt for a blue eye liner )  after looking at all the different brands from Urban Decay, Ulta , Nyx etc. and coming up empty and disappointed we were ready to walk away when i suggested one more look . Tucked away on an end cap of the isle was a small product line. I had never even looked at this brand before but sitting on the shelf was the perfect blue shade of eyeliner that Jayedyn was searching for & on a 15 yr old girls budget too. I started to take a closer look at some of the products . The nail polish is what  drew me in, the colors were so pretty, it also looked like there were a few dupes for some high end products as well. I ended ...
Post a Comment
Read more