What my day looks like

June 2020

I don't know how much longer I can handle this pain, hurt and so-called life?

I use to be able to work, have money for things I wanted, walk for miles, dance in my kitchen, workout, stand for hours @blueoctoberband Concerts, have girls night out with my friends, plan amazing trips with the husband, Not be so obsessed with how I look, feel beautiful, sexy and wanted. And so much more,

Someone asked me to do a post on what my day consists of so I thought why not.. Trust me it's nothing to fun or fun at all.
Let's get into it.
6-7 a..m *

my days are waking up after only 2 hrs of sleep. Unfortunately feeling pain and Nausea, my legs don't move right away so I'm barely able to make it to the bathroom.
After that I'm exhausted and out of breath so Back in bed I go. I try to eat crackers or something to help with nausea and to take my meds. (Praying that they will work,) I will wake up Mayson and make sure he gets off to school. But after that going back to sleep is my goal, sometimes it works and sometimes I'm wide awake.

3-4p.m*
Waking up because of pain, and freezing, sweating, and high fever, the younger kids are home so I try to eat some more to take next round of meds. This is the time I struggle with and usually break down
Being in pain and barely managing it all, working on trying to get up and move but being so weak I end up back in bed, Crying myself to sleep.

5-6ish*
Trying to eat dinner without feeling nausea which I can't handle either, I'm usually alone in my bedroom or if I'm lucky downstairs with my family. After dinner, I take my meds again. I will try to clean up the kitchen if possible or fold laundry. Maybe watch TV with Lonnie. My days are spent just trying to get out of bed and do something. This takes every bit of energy I have and I usually end up back in bed.

11-3a.m
when everyone is asleep, I'm wide awake. because I slept all day. Now I'm lying in bed because I can't do anything. I Watch movies, YouTube, anything to get my mind off the pain but then it brings it right back home with what I can't do or buy or have. So I'm sad.
I try to make a list of the things I'm grateful for. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Finally, my body says enough and I crash hard holding Lonnie's hand Sometimes...
For a few hours at least.
Doing the same things over again, and again with no end in sight only the slowing of my body fighting. And Dr.s say that this is my life now...
This is not a life, I don't want pity,
I don't want to be told it will be okay.
I am not strong enough and I just want it to end? I'm tired of feeling so worthless and broken. I can't find any happiness and I'm f****** trying my hardest.
To be positive to overcome and it just isn't fair.
I am majorly depressed, and you would be too if you were in my shoes. I can't buy things I want because of all the medications I require to barely breathe are ridiculously expensive almost as much as a mortgage payment.

I am so tired of feeling like I've been hit by a bus over and over the pain for me is excruciating because I have No tolerance to pain. Why?
I have had 5 kids yes, C-sections but on morphine. One v-bac and that was a hell of 27 1/2 hrs of labor and lots of drugs.

My husband is amazing and does so much it's unfair and I think it's grating on him. But he'll never say.
My kids are growing up and I'm missing out because of this incurable, unforgiving disease.

Well that's my vent for this time 😂

No really it's crazy how this disease called Lupus acts and really messes you up...

Thank you for taking the time to read I truly appreciate it. Remember I am here for you if you want to vent I will listen.

As always stay strong and keep fighting,

Xoxo, Misty

Life 2020-2021 Getting back into this.

So as the whole world has struggled with the pandemic it's an understatement as to how I have been, my kids and, my husband. I am not going to lie and say that it didn't affect me in an immense way I went down a severe hole into depression and, let's just say my mental health was a nightmare I wanted to die and, just didn't have the strength to do it myself so I would lay in bed and, starve myself hoping I wouldn't wake up the next time. The real struggle came at night because of my insomnia I would lay in my bed and, think about all the things I couldn't do or wanted but, I just didn't have the strength to, I would think about how much better my husband would have been marrying someone else how I have ruined his life how mean I was to him and didn't even think or want to be. How he is carrying on with his life and me, I'm just better off dead because that is exactly how I feel like a person suffering from all this crap. My kids don't seem t...

Let's talk showers

Let's talk showers No, not the kind that falls from the sky when it rains. No, not meteors, but regular showers people take to keep clean. A regular person is in the shower up to 5-10 mins maybe 15 at the most. Well for someone with Lupus, MS and Fibromyalgia it's so much longer. For instance, it took me almost an hour to shower the other day. Why is this you ask? Well, I can barely stand on my own, and do things like lift my hands to shampoo my hair without being so exhausted I have to sit down. So it begins, the clock ticking away. *10 mins gone * sitting down. Once I finally can I stand back up and commence the ritual of the shower but wait, after *10 more mins* I need to take a breath before I pass out (literally) it takes sitting down and breathing slowly to make it not feel like my heart is going to leap out of my chest. I look at my handy dandy Fossil smartwatch and it says my BPM is 140 which I believe. I try to slow down my breathing, a...

Smiley360 Review TOP =The Organic Project

*This post is about feminine products so if your not into that scroll on thru.* We were very lucky to try a new, organic, feminine product brand. Myself having a complete hysterectomy used the panty liners and my daughter used the rest.- The products- 1 box of 10 Ultra Thin Pads with wings 1 box of 16 cotton regular tampons No pictures didn't want to waste them for Sanitary Reasons! 1 box of 24 cotton ultra thin panty liners The Brand - TOP- which stands for -the organic project. What this company stands for is amazing. *The mission is to educate women and girls to make better choices for themselves. Better choices for our planet, and to help each other along the way. You have a choice, a voice, and the power.* With every new subscription, they donate a box of product to women in need. How awesome is that? What's great about this product is it's 100% organic cotton & biodegradable period pro...

My Not So Normal Life and A Few Other Things.

Search This Blog