Lupus thoughts and ramblings

Being Sick is a chore within itself but also having a degenerating autoimmune disease like Lupus makes life a bit more of a struggle. 

I have been trying to be more positive in my day to day routine but honestly, all my body wants to do is crash. I was driving the car the other day to pick up my husband from work and my body began to crash and my eyelids became heavy so I closed my eyes. I  had to keep telling my brain that I was driving a car in traffic. 
It scares me the things that I have no control over anymore.  I saw my rheumatologist and pain specialist this week.  
My Rheumatologist is super nice but I wanted to hurt him for touching all my joints and causing me more pain,  the next day I felt as if I was hit by a mack truck. 
He talked about my blood work and how it looks like on top of everything. I have either Lupus Nephrites with symptoms of Either R.A  (Rheumatoid Arthritis), Fibromyalgia. 
 I am taking Lyrica now. It does take a slight edge off my pain but not enough I believe this is because of my low tolerance.  On a good note- I can walk and stand longer.  This medication is supposed to help me sleep but so far I am wide awake still.  
I saw my pain specialist or the physician assistant and he just filled my prescriptions and said how sorry he was for me.
Nothing new there. 
For the first time, I left his office feeling frustrated and mad. 

I have been so bad at dropping stuff lately. It's in my hand and the next I know it's on the floor. Is this part of all this?

I am having the hardest time getting myself dressed and showering. I think it's just depression taking over. I just don't know if it's time to quit or push myself? By quit, I mean just stop getting dressed and doing my makeup and hair.

This is what My pain Days look like Are your's any similar to mine?
 Not ending my life. Most days I do these things Just to look normal. 

  It's so frustrating that this is my life now and no matter how hard I try I really don't have control. Been there done that! 
I am very thankful that no one depends on me, my kids are older and don't need as much help from me or else it would be truly scary.

The fact that I have tried numerous medications, different doses, of meds is frustrating. They work for a few days and then it's back to the same. 

I was taking Gabapentin and Methlprednose (?) 

but it didn't do anything for me but make my heart race and sleep for days I mean I could have slept and not woken up. My body just shut down. Pain wise I still felt everything and it was more intense.   I wonder if my body has a harder time because of my allergies to so many things. 

 I am allergic to all fruits except apples so that is out of the question. I am allergic to fish, nuts of any kind.  Wait for it !!!! 

I am also very allergic to Benadryl -Like kill me allergic
I am allergic to the one thing that could save my life. 
How Ironic!  
It's hard for me to keep a good diet because of this. But I have given up all red meat and only have turkey or chicken. Plus try to not eat processed foods if possible 

As of right now, my eyelids are shutting and its hard to stay awake. Sorry, sometimes a girl needs to vent!
I am here for you if you need. We can do this together.

As Always Thank you for reading !

                      Stay Strong And Keep Fighting.
                                XOXO-Misty