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Showing posts from June, 2020

Lupus thoughts and Ramblings June 25th

Hey there.  I hope you are staying safe and sane in this crazy world.  It's a lot to stomach for anyone. I can't go crazy.  I already am!        Serious question? When do you tell your family that their joking around has become hurtful?  It's to the point where I feel like I am in high school again, trying to compete for their love and attention. I am 45 yrs old and feel like I am treated like a child at times. I am told that I am too sensitive and that I take things out of context, that I should just take it, and know they are playing.  Every night it's a roast the hell outta mom till she cries or locks herself in the bathroom so no one would see.  it's not like anyone would care to be honest.  I could cry for hours and no one would even flinch.  When did I become invisible, and so small that it doesn't matter if I am even around?  I am ignored when I am trying to be a mother, I am ignored when I try to let people know ho...

Lupus thoughts and Ramblings

I found this from April25th 2019 and somehow it never posted so I thought I would just add it here because I know that a lot of you are struggling this way also. You are not alone at all. I am starting to realize that sometimes even the sweetest kind of person can belittle you and hurt you with their words.  I recently had a day where I was told "Try to Keep Up" on the day I was struggling to walk, and in the most pain due to lack of pain medication s. It cut me to my core.  I would like to think that I am a good person and kind to everyone I meet. But recently it's been pointed out that people feel like I make whatever is being talked about and turn it back to ME. I don't feel like the world is about me by far, I try to make everything about other people and leave me out of it all.  I am not the kind of person that I want to have the spotlight on myself, it makes me uncomfortable because I want to do things right. I know it's crazy being a "Leo" it...

What my day looks like

                                                                                                                 June 2020 I don't know how much longer I can handle this pain, hurt and so-called life?  I use to be able to work, have money for things I wanted, walk for miles, dance in my kitchen, workout, stand for hours @blueoctoberband Concerts, have girls night out with my friends, plan amazing trips with the husband, Not be so obsessed with how I look, feel beautiful, sexy and wanted.  And  so much more, Someone asked me to do a post on what my day consists of so I thought why not.. Trust me it's nothing to fun or fun at all. Let's get into it. 6-7 a..m *   my days are waking up ...