I'm still around!

                           Hello 

I hope y'all had a great Holiday and are enjoying the New Year so far. 

It's the end of Feb. and the groundhog said it would be an early spring, so of course, Utah decides that it needs to finally snow. 

I mean Bad enough the schools were closed for the day.  

Found on KSL news webpage

That never happened when I was a kid.  We had to go to school in a blizzard. LOL!

Not actual footage of me walking to school , but I feel sorry for these kids. *Found on internet

Let's get the elephant out of the room...

I know I have been MIA from my blog for a while because a lot changed in my life last year.

Two days before Thanksgiving my husband lost his job because of something out of his control and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find work. 
He took on a part-time job as a night auditor at a hotel and I knew that would take a toll on him.  
I got super depressed the more life spiraled. 
I went into 
I don't care anymore mode besides I feel like 
I'm just a body that is sick, who lives upstairs in the bedroom. Like a 👻
No one tells me anything and then they wonder why I am hurt.
No one says Goodbye to me hardly anymore.

My feelings are not meant for this family . They get hurt a lot !
they don't think I should be so sensitive about things.
So i might as well be dead .
I would rather be told things or asked to do things and say "NO" myself then not be included.
It may not make any sense to anyone else but that is who I am and I can't change it . 
That would make me bitter and hateful. 
That's just how I feel , How would you handle it all?

I know that my "depressive" thinking didn't help matters much because 

I was so stressed out that my #Lupus was flaring so bad .
 Plus being sad and not wanting to participate in social media or anything in general , only my Drs. appointments and 

to be honest -I had to fight myself to make  those. 
I just broke down at my pain management appt. and didn't care. 
 After breaking down for a few minutes Lonnie reached over and side hugged me .

I haven't been on any dates except for Valentine's day and that was not a day I want to look back on .
I had to pawn something for rent and I hate doing that.
I got a bit dressed up 

We got costaVida and came home and watched the rest of 
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel .
Love this show ....

Of course Mayson had to get one too. 
I'm not gonna lie. I miss my daughter so much. I'm sure she doesn't miss me as much as I do her . 

(That's just me being over sensitive again)

She is doing amazingly at college and of course I had to find her certificate to know she made the Dean's List.  
She loves being by herself and independent .

I am so proud of her. Besides she has her dad to talk to so she's good.
*I am not bitter of their relationship . I am so grateful that she has that in her life .
I just wish I was included a bit more. It hurts to the point I cry.
Anyway
Let's Bring on more stress ...

I started  losing my hair and it was starting to thin out. I lost all my eyebrow hairs. 

And  that's not me pulling or overplucking . 
When I washed my face I notice that they started coming out in little clumps. This happened very quickly.  Before you ask me I know its not my skincare so it had to be my new steroids  I take , Sure enough that's a side affect.
what the actual hell !!
Don't get me wrong 
it's great in some ways. Because I haven't had to shave my legs or armpits or other places .

The loss of my eyebrows and hair 
 pulled me deeper into the darkness and self loathing about beauty and my weight .
Which I kept to myself .

One blessing that happened in Dec. was a  Giveaway for a Microblading treatment .
what do ya know it was after all my loss of eyebrows.
*Hello Universe,God etc. You are listening*
How did it happen you are asking?
So.....

My dear friend and awesome nail tech nominated me for a Gratitude Giveaway one of her clients was doing, and Guess what? 
I won. 

I was so excited to go and have this done. I scheduled my appointment for Dec.
The wonderful lady was so sweet and listened to what I wanted and she made me feel so beautiful. 
It was hard not to cry while she was doing them.  
As far as pain I never really experienced any except for when she did my tail , but we just numbed it again, and I felt nothing.
I would have to say laying on my back is what did me in..

I looked into her mirror and I burst into tears. Okay bawling...
Was more like it.
Don't mind my puffy face ...

After they healed .

It's so amazing to see them and I love them more and more each day.
 I have been known to  cry a bit more when I see myself in a mirror. 

I love them, they are perfect ,and the shade is also dead on ....
Here's a pic after a touch up 

the lady knows her stuff and she does her work before you even arrive. 

I would totally recommend her if you are in the Salt Lake Valley. 
Hit me up.. 
I'm going to get my lash extensions done now. She is looking for people so if you need this service or any others let me know. 
She also had the sweetest pup Molly🐕🐩 she's a cavapoo,cavadoodle.
(Lonnie played with the entire time we were there.) 
She was so soft and looked like a teddy bear and was so happy to play.

Christmas was rough! The roughest one to say the least. 
We did receive a miracle from the LDS church we weren't expecting anything since we don't attend. So that was a Blessing.  

The tree wasn't even decorated all the way.

Life is a struggle anyway, and to be dealt something out of your control sucks. It's so hard not to stress. which in turn makes me feel guilty about what I know I can't control, and help with.

(Found this on the internet)

My husband has never said anything negative to make me feel like this, so I have no reason to feel this way, but I do. 

Maybe it's the lack of being included in life .
Who knows?

As of now, my symptoms have gotten worse.

 I can barely stand up without help, I can't walk for longer than 10-15 mins and, its almost always with help and  (or ) holding on to someone. 
I can barely get dressed and things that took me 15/mins to do takes 2 hrs. Now!

It makes me want to scream!

Lupus is something important and that the world needs to understand so that we Spoonie's can get the help we need to have a better quality of life.
*Like my lupus awareness shirt*
 it has my name on it.

Speaking of, I applied for Disability and I was denied once again. It's not considered a disability in Utah but a migraine is. 
What the actual hell!
Yeah I'm a bit bitter , about the stories I've heard  of the people who are on it and abuse the system. I need it badly.

So I am going to have to look into a lawyer I guess.
Any suggestions for someone in the Salt lake area let me know?

**Just so you know**
 I don't ever post anything about my life for pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me.
As far as Lupus 

I just want the world to know what it is about and what it can do to you.
Since its not a common disease and everyone is different , symptoms,tolerances etc.

Moving is hard for me but I do try when I feel up to it .

 I worked so hard  to clean up my home . I just did as much as I could , sitting in a chair , and being on the floor before calling it quits. 

I left 2 piles of garbage  to be picked up and guess what?  They are still there. 

I am trying not to kill everyone as they walk past them, over them, etc. I mean How hard is it to pick them up? I am silently picking them up with my mind. 

I let Daizie out of her crate so they had to be picked up. 
Guess who did it ?
I hate that I sleep so much. 
Especially for My Daizie Cocka DaSpaniel Girl .
she sleeps in her crate and sometimes  for longer than I would like, because no one wants to take her potty. 
Like seriously are you kidding me? I know it's cold trust me, if I could bend over to clean up her poop without falling on my face.
 I would just do it myself . 
It's a constant fight over who is going to do it. 
They would rather scream at her to get out of the garbage then pick it up.  

It's simple . Clean house =Dog not going through the garbage.

They would rather me hurt myself doing it then them.

 My Daizie is 13 yrs old and can no longer jump up or jump down like she used to so she doesn't hang out in my bed as much. 

It makes me sad. 
I am hoping that this spring it will be better so she gets out more for walks and playing. 
I just wuv her so much. I hope she knows that.

My oldest son Khrystian has decided to join the Army and, will leave in March. 

This is a bit exciting and stressful. I am so proud of him taking that step to become a future cop. It's what he wants and I support him all the way. 

So for those who ask Why Not the USMC? My husband was a jarhead. 

The Marine Corps was a huge NO from his dad and me, 

Everyone expected that branch of the service but we firmly plead NO! 

As far as Reviews

I am no longer at this time receiving any subscription boxes so no new reviews. Hopefully, I can start them up again soon. 

 Thank you to So many of you who contacted me to see how I was doing and if I was still around? I truly appreciate all the support and love of y'all. 

One of my questions I did get asked a lot from y'all was a few of my makeup looks and Youtube channel

I can answer the Makeup look questions but the Youtube one I'm still on the fence. 

I will definitely have the tutorial for the SpongeBob palette collab with Hipdot and the Colourpop Villians Palette in my next blog so stay tuned for that.

Look at all this fun!!

Well, I think that is all for me now.

I am hoping that I can keep up with my blog this year and TRY to stay on top of it and not disappear. I'm pretty sure you will keep me on my toes .. LOL no doubt in my mind about that.

Thank you for taking the time to read and (or) comment.

As Always Stay Strong and Keep Fighting

 xoxox, Misty