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Lupus Thoughts Goals, frustrations trying to be positive .

Beauty , What does that mean? To some people it means Flawless skin to others it means Makeup.
What does it mean to you? I think it has taken on a whole new meaning for me since I was diagnosed with Lupus both
Systemic lupus erythematosus and Discoid . 
My body is  no longer mine I have gained weight from being on medication That I Must take to even survive .
My skin is a crazy hormonal mess I sometimes get a horrible Malar rash on my face But it isn't that bad I have seen worse so I am thankful for what mine is . I don't sleep at night for that long Instead I am sleeping in the day time because my body just gets so tired it shuts down . My hair is thinning and I loose my eyelashes daily Some days I don't want to put on mascara because i am afraid of the fallout . My eye brows I don't think will ever grow back. I have been trying to be super positive and this is my goal for 2017 .
I am sick , I have an Incurable disease, It sucks, I have No control how i feel , But this isn't going to stop me . I plan on walking more even if it kills me , changing my physical activity level (this i know is going to be rough ) I am going to try to cut out my soda intake and drink more water .  I am sick and tired of being so extremely sick every day . I am going to focus on things I can control .
I am going to do more and sleep less. I went to a pain specialist  recently and it was pretty depressing . He was at a loss on what to do he said that it would probably be best i see a therapist for coping management . He said this is what he would suggest for anyone with Cancer. He couldn't do a whole lot but get my pain managed slowly and help me with getting on a sleep pattern . The words he kept using were This is Brutal , Unfair and Incurable . 
So that is what I am doing now trying to cope and make things a bit easier for my family some how .
I went and saw a dentist for my teeth I am gonna have a beautiful smile soon . I was shocked my teeth that were remaining were in great shape Just one cavity but he is gonna help me with a denture so i am not missing anything .
I am excited for this I use to think it wasn't necessary because i was sick . I am not thinking that anymore . I am gonna be the best I can and try at least.
That to me is Beauty Not all of my makeup That is just fun stuff . 
I hope that I can continue to try to be better and not let this disability get to me . I can do it . 
Well that is all for this post . 
As Always Stay Strong and Keep Fighting ,
                         Misty

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